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Traveling with a Chronic Illness

Let me start with saying this: I am very open about my MS. I understand and respect those who keep their struggle with Multiple Sclerosis to themselves, however, I find that its therapeutic for me to share my story. I am writing about it with the hopes that I can shed some light on this disease for those newly diagnosed plus it’s a way for me to work through some of the trials and challenges I am faced with as well as recognizing and acknowledging the hidden treasures of living with MS.  So, if it’s boring to you, I apologize now but maybe read on, hopefully you will get a little something out of it, even

Get real, I’m not going to actually catch the fish for the Taco’s

if it’s just a recipe you may fall in love with! But there is no recipe today – stay tuned though because I am making some Blackened Fish Tacos tomorrow and if they turn out how I intend for them to turn out, I will focus my next post on singing their praises!

I love to travel but as I am progressing in my MS, traveling doesn’t always love me.  We recently went to Disney World – an adult’s only Disney World trip!  Our friends were coming off a cruise, (we don’t get to hang out with them very often since they moved out of the province), so we decided to meet them in Orlando and do the whole Disney World thing. And the Disney World thing we did……… I was 44 years old before I ever made it to Disneyland and had never been to Disney World.  When I was young, I remember all the kids coming to school with those silly Mickey Mouse hats with their name embroidered on them and every time that happened, I would beg my parents to take us to Disneyland and they always said no.  I wanted one of those dorky hats so bad, but all I ever got was a huge lollipop one of my friends brought back for me, which my mom made me throw away because it was too much sugar. WTF, didn’t she know that I was never going to see the actual wonder of Disneyland?  Why couldn’t she just make an exception and let me eat the damn lollipop? I don’t know why, but my parents didn’t want to take us to Disneyland, their excuse was that we were too busy with our horses. As I am writing this, I realize I may still be a little bitter. Anyway, when our movie buff son was about 13, we decided to take him and a friend to Hollywood and of course, you can’t go that far without a stop at Disneyland and Universal Studios.  After that, I made 2 more trips to Disneyland with my brother and his family, but I still never got a Mickey Mouse hat with Raegan embroidered on it.  It’s ok though, I think I am now over that one! Besides, I bought some Mickey ears with a crown on them – take that Mom and Dad!

I am no world traveler, but I do love to pack my bag and head out on an adventure now and then. I love everything about it, from planning, packing, exploring, sightseeing, relaxing, to hiking, and doing things I’ve never done before. Two enemies of people with MS are stress and extreme temperatures, which is funny since these two things are usually inherent when planning a vacation, but they can lead to exacerbations (our word for a “flare up”) and are both as uncontrollable as MS itself.  Travelling used to be a lot easier before I became chronically ill, but I am learning about my limitations and with a few adjustments, I am still able to do it. One of those adjustments was to look at ways to conserve energy so we booked our flights as handicapped, meaning that I can walk short distances, but I cannot do stairs well and walking long distances is a challenge for me. For me to do that though, I had to first get over my fear of being judged as “not sick enough” to warrant a wheelchair or cart ride. That’s half the battle you know, tuning out your own internal dialogue.  Everybody has limitations, but those with chronic illnesses tend to have a few more than others and I try to keep that in mind when I am traveling. It’s ok to ask for help and I need to remember to conserve energy when I can, so I am able to see and do everything that I came on vacation to do. I was thankful for the wheelchair, especially since I am always “randomly” chosen for extra security screening and this latest trip was no different.  WTH?  I have no idea why, but I am quite sure it’s not as random as they like me to believe!

Fast forward to Disney World – although this was an adult trip, I still found myself constantly on the lookout for princesses, chasing Mickey Mouse, hunting down Donald Duck, etc.  I have to give props to our travel partners because if I saw a sign that said 10-minute wait to meet so and so, you can bet that I am going to wait the 10 minutes so I can get a picture for the grandkids, and our friends were good sports. Well, they waited with us for some of the characters (even getting in the pictures with us) and sometimes they could be found at a diner with a cold beer in one hand and a margarita in the other.  We ended up ticking all the boxes on characters that our grandchildren wanted to see pictures of.  We even got Elsa and Anna from Frozen to send a video to our oldest Granddaughters, which was a big win!  I’m sure we rose to TOP NOTCH Grandparent status with that one, actually I know we did because one of our daughters told us that her daughter was losing her sh&* over the video.  It was so much fun looking at Disney World through their eyes, even though they weren’t with us.  What I do know, is that the next time we go to Mickey’s house, we will be holding hands with at least a couple of our grandchildren!

Back to the actual issues when travelling with this stupid illness that follows me everywhere I go, even when it hasn’t got a ticket!  One day, I walked and walked and walked, I did not stop walking all darn day. You know, in my mind, I am still the gal who can go and go and go. The girl who isn’t a party pooper, the girl who doesn’t like to slow people down, the girl who never says enough is enough! So, on this day I walked, I walked a lot – way more than I should have. I overdid it. I was great throughout the day, but by dinner time I was done.  My body was on fire.  My nerves were misfiring, every nerve ending was electric, I just wanted to crawl in a hole and hide, I had never had that feeling before.  I have nerve issues regularly, but usually its confined to one area, not my entire body.  I laid in bed thinking (fretting) that there was no way I could do another day at that pace, I was worried that I would need a wheelchair tomorrow, just to make it through the front gates.  And in the back of my mind, I was wondering if I was doomed to have this as my new reality.  Was this the beginning of a relapse and if so, would I recover from it or would the damage finally be something that my body doesn’t recover from?  That is a fear of mine regularly – will I wake up tomorrow with a new level of disability that will again affect my quality of life?  I also was worried that our friends and even my husband would say that travelling with me was too much work, it wasn’t fun for them and they wouldn’t want to take another trip with me.  As I laid there burning up, feeling sorry for myself and wanting to cry, I was trying to figure out how to will my body to have enough energy to get up in the morning with a smile on my face and ready to meet the day, but I will be honest, by the time 2 am rolled around, I was finding it hard to picture it. Not knowing if your body can hold out for another day is a humbling experience, even more so when you have so much that you want to do and a brief time to do it in.  It’s frustrating because the mind tells you that you are still a bad ass rock star, but the body sometimes tells a very different story. It seems like I am my own worst enemy and I don’t exactly know how to be kinder to myself, but I am working on it.  It’s humbling to realize that others can see I need to take a break before I can see it for myself.  In addition to my nerves acting up, I got a sinus cold on our last day – what can I say, when it rains it pours!  Luckily, I came prepared for my husband to get sick with the dreaded man cold and had my essential oils and cold meds on hand for him, so I put those to work right away, because Karma is a funny thing…….it wasn’t him that got the man cold, it was me and to use someone else’s terminology, I became one of the babiest of babies about it. And yes, he did end up getting the man cold once we got home, in fact he still has it. But, I am recovering thankfully, and I will say that even though I overdid it and I got a man cold, it was worth it!  We got to spend 5 days with longtime friends that we love and don’t get to see nearly often enough, we got pictures with every Disney character that we were charged with doing and we made it home safe and sound – all in all, it was another successful vacation!

The good news is that living with a chronic illness doesn’t mean you have to abandon your travel dreams, so I have made a little list of some tips that may make your travels a little more enjoyable:

When we got home, I was sicker than a dog and feeling all together crappy.  I didn’t want to go anywhere, see anyone or do anything.  My daughter had a chat with me reminding me that yes I was sick, yes I was tired, but that’s life.  Everyone gets sick, everyone gets tired and everyone has challenges in their day and in their lives, but when we allow all that negativity inside our head, we have lost the battle and it’s hard to get back into the game when that happens, yet you need to do just that. All it took was for her to put things into perspective for me to realize that I was  feeling sorry for myself and I pride myself on not being that person. It’s that quick though. When you have something chronic going on in your life, unless you are on top of your attitude, it is easy to fall into a depression about your sad state of affairs.  MS is not me, a burden or my shortcoming.  It lights a fire in me to remind me that I should seize every opportunity and make the most of every single day, which is what I strive to do.  I fail, I falter, and I screw up, but it is my intention to live my life rooted in the present and fully occupying every day the best I can.

What are your best tips to keep from slipping into the negative mindset when things seem stacked against you?  I can use all the help I can get!

Keep your eyes peeled for the Blackened Fish Taco recipe!

Until next time!

Raegan

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