As I sit here tonight watching the news about looting and protests happening all over, I am sad and disheartened by what I am witnessing. When did the world become so full of hatred and anger?  I am going to continue with my post below but I feel compelled to ask that instead of being full of fear and hatred, can we face our challenges with humility and compassion for one another?  Can we find a way to come together with forgiveness, understanding and compassion and do away with tearing each other apart?  I’m afraid too, I’m angry too but I know there are better ways to have my voice heard respectfully and gracefully.  I want to be in a world where we can agree to disagree and still be friends. I want to live in a world without judgement and where we come together supporting and cheering each other on. That is what I am striving for in my own little part of the world.  Is that too much to ask from others too?

I am quite certain that everyone is sick and tired of what is going on in the world right now, or is it just me? I like to try to find the silver linings in adversities (it fools my brain into being positive when it would be so easy to wallow in negativity) and one of the things I have realized is that this whole pandemic has me looking at things with a different perspective.  What once was, is no longer, and that is okay. It is okay for me to be scared, it is okay for me to be worried, it is okay for me not to go to town every day when I need a little something (like Dairy Queen).  It is okay for me to not have it all figured out.  It is okay for me (& you) to not be okay some days and believe me, there are days that I am not okay.

I cannot remember ever really having anxiety, but I sure do now. It could very well be from my MS rather than from being socially isolated and craving my family’s hugs and kisses, dinner and barbeques, random water gun fights, beach trips, camping and more.  There is a lot of my normal life that isn’t happening at the moment, so it is difficult to be okay all the time, but I have faith, which allows me to be okay with what is in front of me, even if it isn’t the people that I would like to physically have beside me. My parents have both passed but I want to call my dad or my mom and cry it out.  I want to hug my brothers, my grandkids and my children. I want to have lunch with my friends.  But that’s not the world we are living in at the moment.  However, I know that trust and faith go a long way and I have enough of both that even with everything we are walking through and experiencing at this moment, I believe we will come out the other side wiser and happier than we know. I will hug my family again, I will have lunch with my friends, get my hair done and travel.  It’s not forever, it’s just for right now.

I am not saying that everything is rosy and that the sadness I feel is not valid because it is.  It is not okay that people around the world are dying (dying alone makes it even worse), it is not okay that everything seems to be falling apart at the seams and the seams are getting more frayed every day.  It is not okay that the economy has taken a sh&* and there is no real sign that its going to change anytime soon. It is not okay that people are being isolated, facing more abuse, going hungry or hoarding all the toilet paper, hand sanitizer and bleach.  It is not okay that the world seems to have been turned upside down. Whatever you are feeling may not be okay for you right now but that my friends, is okay. I see and feel your pain and I understand how tough it is right now. I see that your hearts are heavy, and your spirit is taking an ass whooping.  I see that it sometimes takes everything you have just to get through the day, I see it because I am right there with you.  I am not telling you to suck it up, because I know that sometimes being okay feels completely out of your grasp. But know this, if I could climb through this screen to hold your hand while you cry or scream, I would do it in a heartbeat. What I do know is that it is okay that everything is not okay.

I have not been anywhere for 3 ½ months.  I have been taking advantage of grocery delivery service or curbside pickup and online shopping. Having my specialist appointments via phone or video chat has freed up time and energy that I have not had for the past 15 years. For me, social isolation has also allowed me to minimize things in my house (you will see a lot of it at Value Village) leaving me more space to appreciate and enjoy the things that I have and that bring me joy.  It is freeing to be able to see the surfaces of my counters, freeing up the clutter in my mind that goes along with clutter in my home has been a pleasant surprise.  I have been able to take even more time to reflect on what is most important in my life, to slow down and take better care of my body and my mind.  It is challenging me to be kinder to myself and others and to have more patience (some may argue with me on this one) and with that has been acceptance to the fact that I have absolutely zero control over what is going on (and that’s okay).  Going through this pandemic has given me comfort knowing that we are all unknowingly connected in some way through our experiences right now.

So, I am here to let you know that everything will be okay. Maybe not right now, maybe not as soon as you would like, but I am confident that our day is coming when we can all look back on this collective experience and smile, taking pride in the fact that we made it.  We made a difference in the world, that we made a difference in our family.  We will find pride, grace and humility knowing that we had the strength to move forth from something that had the power to destroy our way of life.  So please, remember this – We are stronger than we know.

“You can cut all the flowers but you cannot keep spring from coming”   ~ Pablo Neruda ~

Until Next Time

Raegan

I promise a recipe with my next post, this post just needed to stand on its own. So, for now, enjoy this lovely diffuser blend to help get you through this time of unease and confusion. Put this in your diffuser, breathe deeply and have faith that better days are ahead.